Category Archives: Jacqueline Del Villar

Apr3

Untitled

Posted on by
Untitled

i found that letter i wrote to you today.


it was too much to take.

everything that i had forced myself to forget

came back, every single piece

back to its original place.

and though i know that you had a script

and many tried out for the leading role

it still hurt to know

that she was the one that read it best

when i was the one that meant it more.
Apr3

Maybe…

Posted on by
Maybe…
its still there
laying patiently wrapped in plastic
slight aura of hope surrounding it
but with every second that it remains leaning and unused,
its aura is changing.
no longer golden and full of shine,
but slightly red.. then purple… then black.
and that hope
now restlessness, anxiousness, rage,
brief rage
before the sadness, then the hopelessness.
till the heartbreak
complete and devastating.
tears that flow freely and desperately.
after one sight, one glance, of that brand new tootbrush.
that simple yet grand symbol, that I care.
that slight push that I hoped you might have needed
to know that you are welcome the morning after,
just as much as the night before.
and as that tootbrush and its bristles remain new and untouched.
I realize it is I that have been touched and used.
used till worn and tattered.
used, maybe abused,
but always willingly.
put my face, my hands, my heart, my skin, my soul…
in the face of danger.
constantly, willingly,
always hoping that one day that hand will not hurt me,
but love me.
hopeless sadistic romantic.
waiting for a happily ever after
with someone who cannot even commit to good morning
someone who has no need for a toothbrush on my shelf,
because he will be long gone before the morning.
Apr1

Day one

Posted on by
Day one

i was not looking for you.
i was not looking …. for anything….
but the absence of everything.
that which i found in those
strange sheets, in-different beds, with boys with no faces but plenty of game.
those that left no traces but plenty of shame.
that nothingness, …. emptiness
that i could color in with the translucent colors of that sexual revolution that has taught me that i can be a whore and call it evolution.
i was not looking.. for anything…
but the abundance of indifference….
where the loneliness in my voice could be confused for laughter
and the rainbows that streamed from your smile could replace the hesitance you felt at even asking my name .
all i needed was a void
all i wanted was that numbness
that comes hand in hand with the definition of a modern woman.
one who has matured past the childish ideals of fairy tales and the foolishness of motherhood.
that same woman that expects, no.  Demands that You dont ask her to stay
because she has her clothes on before you can even throw the condom away.
then there was You.
and your words….
shone through the translucency of the world that i had illustrated with the weak colors comprised of my lack of morals and goals.
and i felt….
The Truth,
compress me from all sides, the fullness of those four walls that entrap me in this world of definite grays and blacks,
closed in.
and i longed for the emptiness…as i stayed hypnotized… by your words